And so I saw what seemed to be the prodigy side of me—because I had ne’er seen that face before. I looked at my contemplation. winking so I could see more clearly. The miss gazing back at me was angry. powerful. This miss and I were the same. I had new ideas. wilful idea. or instead thought filled with tonss of won’ts. I won’t allow her alter me. I promised myself. I won’t be what I’m non. –Jing Mei in Amy Tan’s “Two Kinds”

“Parents know best” is the common justification of parents whenever they are rectifying a kid. training him. make non let him to make what he wants to or do the kid do something that is clearly against the child’s wants. These sentences convey the feeling that they. as parents know what is good for their kids ; that they allow. restrict or imposed with this end in head. Although I believe that most parents ( I can non state all because there are those who do non cognize what is best for their kids for they abuse them ) want what is best for their kids. they nevertheless. make non cognize what is truly best for them.

This is precisely what I see happens in Amy Tan’s “Two Kinds” . where in Suyuen’s quest to do her girl become celebrated and successful. she is doing her suffering. The lists where parents think they know what is good for their kids are eternal. Here are the common illustrations: what school to travel to. what class to prosecute in college. what athleticss to play. where to travel to work. which race to befriend. what nutrient to eat. what music to listen to. what films to watch. and of class who to get married.

All of these causes struggles between parents and kids. unless of class it so happens that what the parents want is besides what the kid wants. But this seldom occurs. for though the kid possesses their Deoxyribonucleic acid. he. nevertheless. as another alone person. hold his ain gustatory sensation. desire and dreams. And this frequently parents bury. To be honest. I can non state that whenever my parents say the charming words “Parents know best” that I to the full appreciate it. Not that I believe this to be a prevarication but that oftentimes I feel that there is something non rather right about it.

When my parents train me for making something that I believe in my bosom of Black Marias is besides incorrect. I have no jobs about this popular phrase. But whenever they correct me or do me non to make something which I believe deep down is what is right for me. I can experience a peculiar opposition in my spirit. I become “angry” like Jing Mei. angry that a portion of me is being stifled or changed ; as if something good interior. the “real me” . is prevented from emerging.

And like any normal human being. as I grow older. I come to understand. with perfect lucidity. that my parents are non infallible. and this cognition added to my wretchedness whenever I am smothered interior. Oftentimes. Jing Meis words. “I won’t Lashkar-e-Taiba [ them ] alteration me” reverberations through my caput ( Tan. 2 ) I am one of those normal human existences who want to happen my topographic point in the universe. When I say my topographic point. I mean. to be where I want to be and who I wanted to go. That quest of class becomes more and more specific as I age and as I get to understand what psychologist refers to as my “inner self” .

I am to the full convinced that when I do unrecorded in conformity with who I am. I will happen peace. purpose and true felicity. It is another narrative when it comes to my parents. They have their ain curious thoughts of how I should accomplish that peace. purpose and true felicity. Somehow when they look at me. I had the feeling that they know precisely who I will go the minute I was born. I do non cognize if I am more fortunate than Jing Mei. because in her instance. her female parent had to experiment with several prodigies.

First her female parent wants her to go Shirley Temple. so a kid mastermind who memorizes a batch of facts and so a piano player. But we are in the same boat ; we are already carved for something even without being consulted foremost if that is who we want to go. However. in the terminal. I do experience fortunate than Jing Mei for my parents were able to accept some of my determinations. But I know that struggle with my parents is non yet over. More will come down the route. The good thing nevertheless is that struggle seems to decrease as I grow older.

Possibly I changed. or possibly they changed. or possibly both of us changed. In minutes of struggle. I have of class tried to set myself into the places of my parents. I find this to be non merely a wise scheme to forestall myself from shouting but besides as a beginning of comfort. I tried to see their point of position and why they say such. In making this. I would remind myself that they want what is best for me. that they fear I may do a error of which there is no redress. I figure they see a danger that I am blind to so hence they merely want to protect me.

I am frightened to do foolish determinations myself ; I have seen a batch of lives ruined by merely one false move and I do non mean to follow their footfalls. For illustration. I know some friends who regretted making this or that. and wished they listen to their parents. But of class. even if they did acquire out of their problems. the harm had been done. So there are times I was glad that I did aline my determination to my parents. However. parents should besides see that they are non right at all times. They are human existences who commit mistakes of judgement and at times were forcing their kids to the border ( Corwin. 2003. 17 ) .

I find it the hardest when my parents merely do non see that I am different from them. That what gives them the greatest satisfaction may non every bit fulfill me. And more than that. I become angry that at times they are merely being unreasonable. Their determinations were motivated more by fright. insecurities and past failures instead than by wisdom. It was bad that. oftentimes. particularly when I was younger. when they do non hold with my determination. my assurance sing that determination diminishes. Although I am certain they are incorrect. I would frequently besides feel baffled and disheartened.

And what makes it worse is that when you do seek to follow your ain thought. they gave you that defeated expression that lingers on your caput for old ages. The parent/children struggle is inevitable. I do non cognize anyone who does non travel through some struggle with their parents. whether about child or major issues or determinations. But I know of many struggles that should hold been avoided if two parties had tried to speak things over gently and openly. It amazes me why parents sometimes do non wish to uncover their exposure. frights and failing to their kids.

I wonder who told them to ever show themselves as if they know everything. Children. on the other manus. are frequently on the defensive ; moving as if they are ever right but needs to convert their parents of that. The truth of the affair is that the sentiments of both parties are needed if kids get what is best for them. Although parents think they know what is best for their kids. they may non cognize what those best precisely are. Before conceive ofing some hereafter possibilities for their kids. they must at first ask who their kids truly want to go.

If they sense that their kid has a batch of possible but is afraid. they should seek to promote him but non model him into person of their liking. In the narrative “Two Kinds” Jing Mei’s female parent ne’er asks her who she wants to be. I know it is hard for parents at times to let their kids to do certain determinations particularly if it is non what they had in head. Parents are ever parents and no affair what books say they can non assist but worry about their children’s determination and hereafter ( Corwin. 2003. 9 ) . I believe that Parents knows best merely to a certain extent.

If parents truly want to cognize what is best for their kids they must be prepared to include the child’s dreams and wants in their determinations. It is a error to believe that one can do his kid into anybody he wants to. When parents do that. they normally destroy the kid.

Mention

Corwin. Donna G. ( 2003 ) . Pushed to the Edge: How to Stop Child Competition Race so Everyone Wins. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group. Tan. Amy. “Two Kinds. ” On line: hypertext transfer protocol: //userwww. sfsu. edu/~mmartin/ twokinds. pdf Accessed 2/09/2009.